It's been 4 weeks since my world was rocked to its core. I was gonna say crushed but that would sound so final and as far i and my faith are concerned, all these are at the least final.
Have you ever felt that you are alone in a battle? I mean sure you get to talk to friends when you have problems but there are times when you need them to actually be there with you all the way. Sometimes, you see that they are there listening but you don't actually feel them being there. Im not sure if im making any sense, but that's exactly how i feel right now. I just feel cheated of the friendship i think and believe i deserve. Maybe because i'm the kind of friend who would drop anything just to be with a friend in need. Maybe i expected too much, maybe they're not cut for these kinds of problems, maybe they're just there during good times. What surprised me though is that there's one person i have right now who i just recently became friends with and she's actually really, literally there for me. And i mean she checks on me on weekends and even willing to share her family time with me. How amazing is that?
Yet the friends i've had for years can't even send an SMS just to ask how i am. Sad but that's reality. In my darkest times, i was able to find comfort from a new friend.
I mentioned in my earlier post that i've never prayed this much in my entire life. During the homily yesterday, the priest was saying people only remember to pray when they need something from the Lord. People claim that the Lord is the most important person in their life but they can't even spare him a few minutes of their time in prayer or even to read the scriptures, they can't even spare a few hundred of their hard earned money for a bible. All these words from the priest struck me right thru heart. I am or i want to believe was that person. It is sad that it had to take something like this to happen for me to realize how important the Lord's guidance is and how powerful prayers are. I have started fervenly praying for weeks now but it was just the other day when i finally lifted everything to the Lord that i felt lighter. Felts like a heavy weight was lifted off of me. I am still at a crossroad, i am still at the darkest pitt i could ever imagine myself but lifting everything to the Lord and believing that He is going to answer my prayer, that i am on the right track, that i need to sacrifice a part of myself, that i have to stay focused and positive, that i only need Him. What i am going thru now is not easy especially that i am 6 months pregnant. The sleepless nights, the stress, the insecurities, the emotional and mental battles, the test of patience, pride and self esteem. Everytime i feel discouraged, week, ugly,so low and confused i pray. That's what i do and i know that right now, that's the only and most powerful thing i can do.
So indeed, when problems are deep seated and long standing, try kneeling and think of Him. He's the only person who can help you. Don't expect friends or anyone else to be there for you 24/7.
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